


Night of the Living 20 Questions--Skull

by jdrush



Series: 20 Questions [10]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:11:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdrush/pseuds/jdrush
Summary: Just whose skull is it that resides at 221B?  Another fic in the 20 Questions series.





	Night of the Living 20 Questions--Skull

TITLE: Night of the Living 20 Questions--Skull  
AUTHOR: J.D. Rush  
FANDOM: BBC1 Sherlock   
PAIRING: Sherlock/John   
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: Just whose skull is it that resides at 221B? Another fic in the 20 Questions series.  
SPOILERS: None, really. If you've seen "A Study in Pink” and know there's a skull on the mantel, you're good. Although, I do make a super-quick reference to my 20 Questions fic, "Dinner". (Not necessary to read it to understand this, but check it out anyway because it's quite fun.)  
DISCLAIMER: These lovely lads belong to BBC1, Lords Moffat and Gatiss, and Sir ACD. Opening quote borrowed lovingly from 'A Study in Pink'.   
AUTHOR’S NOTE: No betas were harmed in the making of this fic.

  
_John: "That's a skull."_

_Sherlock: "Friend of mine. When I say friend. . ."--SHERLOCK, 'A Study in Pink'_

 

  
"John, have you seen Bernie?"

"Who?"

*spinning around room; blue dressing gown twirling dramatically* "Bernie. I can't seem to find him."

*looks on with an expression of fondness* "I have no idea what you're talking about. Per usual."

*irritated huff* "The skull. He was here just a moment ago."

*lowers unread newspaper* "You call the skull Bernie?"

"Well, Bernard actually, but that seemed a bit formal. Bernie fit him better anyway."

"So then why did you name the skull Bernard in the first place if it was too formal?"

"Because that's his name."

"Well, yes, we just established that. But WHY did you choose that name?"

"You're being exceptionally slow today, John."

"I strive to do my best."

"To irritate me, perhaps."

*refolds unread newspaper peevishly* "Look, I was only curious as to why you call your skull Bernard. But if you're going to get all stroppy about it. . ."

"God help me, I'm surrounded by idiots."

"We all have our crosses to bear, Sherlock. And I think I'm looking at mine right now."

*fall/flops into his designated chair* "Fine. I call him Bernard because in his former life, before he became a skull, that was his name. Bernard. Happy?"

"Quite. And how exactly do you know that?"

"Our paths crossed once or twice."

"So you knew him when he was alive?"

"In a manner of speaking."

*drops refolded unread newspaper on floor; gasps* "Oh my God. . .don't tell me you. . . .?"

*exaggerated eye roll* "For Pete's sake, John. Though it fails to need repeating, no, I didn't kill him. You really have to stop listening to Inspector Donovan. It's detrimental to your intelligence."

"Gee, and she told me that hanging around with you would be detrimental to my sanity. Should we speculate which one of you is right?"

"And you wonder why I prefer the company of a skull. Never complains. Never talks back. Never forces me to watch 'Britain's Got Talent'. The perfect flatmate"

*smirks* "Never buys milk. Never fetches your mobile for you--even when it's sitting less than a foot away from your right hand. Never chases you all over London calling you 'brilliant' at the drop of a hat. . ."

*glares* "Okay, maybe not perfect. But close."

"So, you knew this Bernard fellow when he was alive, and now you keep his skull on the mantelpiece. Don't you think that's a bit morbid?"

"As opposed to the jar of human testes I'm storing in the crisper?"

"Good point. I've been meaning to ask you about that, in fact."

"Experiment."

"Of course. I should have guessed."

"Now, if you're finished questioning my integrity. . ."

"Not that I was aware you had any integrity. . ."

". . .you might try guessing where my skull is."

*picks up refolded unread newspaper from the floor* "Mrs. Hudson took it a while ago."

*scoffs* "I'll never understand that woman. "

*mutters* "Or any woman. "

"You'd think after 20 years of marriage, she'd be all talked out. Maybe Bernie's better off dead after all."

*snickers* "As if YOU'LL be talked out after 20 years of marriage. . .or even 40." *pauses, furrows brow* "Wait a min. . . marriage?"

*patented Sherlock Holmes 'I am the only one in this world with a functioning brain' look* "Yes, do keep up, John."

"Hang on. So you're telling me we've been living all this time with MISTER Hudson? The serial killer?"

"To be fair, he hasn't done much killing, serial or otherwise, for quite a while now."

"I don't believe it! You stole his skull!"

*bristles indignantly* "I didn't STEAL it. It was a gift."

*quirked eyebrow* "A gift."

"Okay, my commission."

"You requested his skull. . .as your fee?"

"It was a fair exchange. I guaranteed that horrible man's demise, I received his skull as compensation for my hard work. Mrs. Hudson was delighted with the agreement."

"How. . .I mean. . .where the hell did she get it?"

"We went grave robbing one night."

"WHAT?!"

*chuckles* "I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You're so gullible."

"I never know with you."

"It's simple, John. They gave her his remains, and she gave me the remains of his remains. Everyone was happy."

"Everyone except Mr. Bernard Hudson."

"Believe me, a place of honour on our mantel is much better than he deserves."

"So, why did you want it? Certainly not a trophy, I hope."

"I wanted to do some tests on it, see if there was anything to discover about the criminal mind by the size and shape of the cranium."

"And did you discover anything?"

"Yes--that a real human skull is quite a conversation piece, in addition to being a very good way of vetting flatmates. When you didn't run screaming, I knew you were a keeper."

*sudden look of horror* "Oh, God. . .I just remembered. . .it watched us have sex!"

*shrugs shoulders* "Just once. I'm sure he won't tell any tales out of school, if that's what you're worried about."

*slams refolded unread newspaper onto end table in exasperation* "I swear, Sherlock, one day I'm going to kill you and keep YOUR skull on the mantel!"

*big smile* “Awww, John, I always knew you cared."

  
THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm slowly moving my old fanfics to my AO3 account. This one was first posted to my livejournal in March, 2012.


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